It is so easy for me to get up in "right now". I am definitely "in touch with my emotions"--so much so that they can in the way and keep me from focusing on fact, rather than feeling. Looking back at my journal entry from several months ago (sometimes this feels like forever, sometimes like a moment), I am able to see how things have changed, how I have changed, how I have yet to change, and how God is always at work!
More from October 19, 2007:
I've never felt so disconnected from the world around me as I do now. Do other people feel like I do? I've never felt like such an outsider. I know that I am called to be 'in' the world and not 'of' the world, but sometimes I feel "out" of everything, even Christian community.
Sometimes I feel alone. I know that I shouldn't--because you, Lord, are always here with me.
A few days later I wrote this:
On Sunday I got to talk to three other women who know a little of what I'm going through in this "transition".
And even since then I have seen my "community" grow. I am feeling more connected. I've taken little baby steps of faith and been blessed by the results. I miss my friendships from school. I miss the safety and familiarity that I had grown to love over four years. I miss the community that was created by people being in the same stage of life and same place!
I am anxious to know that God has for me, but I am trying to be patient and take one day at a time. I really like the new friends that I have made and I look forward to how those friendships will grow. I love being at home with my family and getting to know them in this new time of my life and theirs. I love my church family and the many ways that I have been blessed by them! I really do have so much.
Lord, please continue to grow me and change my heart. Help me to content and abundantly satisfied by all that I have and all the people that you have placed in my life. Help me to love them. Grant me humility and grace for everyone that I meet, that I may glorify you in all that I do.
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